hey zhenling, I don't think you're reading this, but if you are, thankyou so much for having lunch with me today, and listening to me (: thankyou for helping me see things in another way. thankyou for helping me get over myself and stop the sinking feeling in my stomach every time i see the name.


hey, i wonder if you're still reading this blog after that day in march. part of me wishes you did, and part of me wishes you didnt. if you're reading this, then i want to tell you that im not going to feel bad anymore. ive spent the last 4 months since that day feeling like killing myself out of guilt everytime i see you around, or your stuff on facebook, or your name in emails even. you have no idea how much tears ive spent on you, and wishing that i could redo that whole moment where i clicked that one button.

im ready to let it go now. but this doesnt mean that im going to forget what i did and do it again. im sorry it had to happen to you, but thankyou, for helping me learn. even though i bet you hate my guts right now, im really grateful to you for letting everything proceed smoothly in may. it hurts when you treat me as non-exsistent, or ignore me totally, but i really do deserve it. ive wanted to thank you in person so many times, but i guess i still lack the courage from that day in march. i cant even come up to you and wish you luck for CTs, because im that ashamed.

so goodbye, sinking feeling in my stomach. and even though i'll still remember everytime i see something related to you, or hear people talk about you, i'll apologise once more in my heart, and let it stop haunting me.

if youre reading this, and you think its cliched and fake, then so be it. if you think im oversensitive, so be it. but this post is every bit true, and so were my emotions.

thankyou for helping me grow as a person. and i will never forget you. ever.

dyou even know who you are? can you even hear me?